Saturday Silly – Five very unlikely Nintendo crossovers

Crossovers are brilliant. We’ve got Professor Layton vs. Phoenix Wright on the way, Pokémon Conquest was a delicious blend of flavours, and Tekken is showing some fine Nintendo love on Wii U. Naturally this got us thinking, what other crossovers would it be fun, even if hugely unlikely, to see…

1. Monster Hunter X Pokémon

The Concept:
The cute world of Pokémon and the harsh brutality of Monster Hunter collide to realise the prayers of most Japanese handheld game players. Following the Pokémon rebellion your small band of humans must turn to living off the land if they hope to survive. Pikachu armour set with electricity bonus damage? Absolutely.

Chances:
There’s about as much chance of Nintendo letting us skin a Pikachu as there is of Christopher Nolan writing a film without a twist. In other words – no chance.

 

 

2. Zelda X Zelda

The Concept
‘Serious’ Ganon realises that there’s a whole other timeline running concurrently with his and uses the power of the Triforce to mesh them together. Cue a mess of styles as the technicolour world of Cel-Link is crossed with the grim and oppressive grey and brown of ‘gritty’ Link. New series lowpoint occurs when Tingle meets Ooccoo.

Chances
It took Nintendo how long to even confirm the multiple timeline theory? This is the sort of messy narrative Zelda takes active steps to avoid.

 

 

3. Viewtiful Joe vs. The Wonderful 101

The Concept
Hideki Kamiya’s pair of long caped, red garbed superheroes clash in a tale of stolen identity, father questioning, and long court scenes. For a game focused on superheroes it’s quite a heartwarming tale with very few actual fights. Music by Randy Newman.

Chances
This feature is called ‘very unlikely’ for a reason. This would never happen. And if it did, it would feature much more punching.

 

 

 

4. Bayonetta vs. The Women’s Institute

The Concept
Bayonetta’s in-your-face sexuality finally catches the eyes of the prim and proper Women’s Institute. Intent to change her into a ‘proper’ women, The WI pursue Bayonetta and force her to partake in cake making and flower decorating. But could they be hiding a dark secret? Could they be using skimmed milk in the tea!? Only Bayonetta can unearth the truth.

Chances
Hahahahahahahaha. No.  Unfortunately.

 

 

 

5. Beat the Beat X Lady Gaga

The Concept
In an attempt to help Rhythm Paradise find a larger audience Nintendo enlist the help of the current Queen of Odd to shake up the game. Ends up a monument to all things Gaga.

Chances
Actually…

 

 

 

 

 

That’s it for this week. If you crave more Saturday Silliness you can check out Yoshi’s guide to waiting for Wii U, or here we made some Doctor Who themed Mii’s for your 3DS.